barry's emmy, part X: send it back

An ominous voicemail from barry in the the last episode, and some sage advice from sal the bartender in this one can lead a responsible person to only one possible solution regarding the stolen emmy...

barry's emmy fever

episode ten of MY FRIEND BARRY'S EMMY premiers sunday night at midnight. it's epic (nine plus minutes) and i'm pretty proud of it. so now might be a good time to bone up on your BARRY'S EMMY episodes.

maybe you missed music practice with richard. maybe you missed driving around showcase awards. maybe you missed the music video. maybe you're just a glutton for punishment and you wanna watch them all again. well...here's where you can.

and don't forget to come back sunday at midnight to watch
MY FRIEND BARRY'S EMMY, part X: send it back.

you are so tyson gay

the man in this picture is a gay. in fact, his whole family is gay.

he is a gay from lexington, kentucky, but he currently lives in fayetteville, arkansas. and we know how gay that is. (please. fay-etteville?) he is so gay his name is even gay. tyson gay. seriously, how gay is that? plus, there's the sign behind him. talk about advertising it.

thankfully, the american family association (you remember them) has a policy on it's "news" website to filter out the word "gay" and replace it with "homosexual" (lest you think there are strange men lurking out there wanting to make your children gleeful, jovial, glad, joyous, happy, cheerful, or sprightly in any way.)

thus, until recently, the american family association referred to this man as:

Tyson Homosexual

in reprinting an associated press story about the gay from lexington, the american family's "news" site included this:

Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.

His time of 9.68 seconds at the U.S. Olympic trials Sunday doesn't count as a world record, because it was run with the help of a too-strong tailwind. Here's what does matter: Homosexual qualified for his first Summer Games team and served notice he's certainly someone to watch in Beijing.

"It means a lot to me," the 25-year-old Homosexual said. "I'm glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me"

there was also this thrilling description of gay's costume, and his performance:

Wearing a royal blue uniform with red and white diagonal stripes across the front, along with matching shoes, all in a tribute to 1936 Olympic star Jesse Owens, Homosexual dominated the competition.

He started well and pulled out to a comfortable lead by the 40-meter mark. This time, he kept pumping those legs all the way through the finish line, extending his lead.

In Saturday's opening heat, Homosexual pulled way up, way too soon, and nearly was caught by the field, before accelerating again and lunging in for fourth place.

they also ran these headlines about him:

HOMOSEXUAL SETS U.S.
RECORD IN 100 WITH 9.77

CLOSE CALL: HOMOSEXUAL BARELY
AVERTS MAJOR FLOP IN 100

HOMOSEXUAL BREAKS GREENE'S
U.S. RECORD IN 100 AT TRIALS

a homosexual going around breaking someone's records. sounds like a nasty gay divorce. ("that was MY donna summer - live and more you bitch!")

(hat tip: damien)

mission accomplished

who do you think should be blamed for the high price of gas?  osama bin laden?  or george w. bush?

not for lack of tryon

it's not a terribly long bike ride, and i've done it before, always stopping just short of my goal. but today i actually biked up to and into ft. tryon park.

rob and i made the eleven mile round trip today along the west side bike path, most of which is lovely and quiet and travels next to the hudson river, but for a short time takes you through what can best be described as the domincan republic picnic. suddenly there are people everywhere. and the smells, oh my god. meat cooking on charcoal grills, being sold from carts, and eventually rotting in dumpsters. tons of music, blaring from car speakers in the parking lot. merengue, hip-hop, salsa, and other loud latin music all competing for your eardrums.

and families. plenty of families.

anyone in my own family would be very uncomfortable along that short stretch of the bike path. i've never felt anything but welcome. in fact, it reminds me a bit of cookouts in my own backyard on loland drive, just outside of waterford, wisconsin. i'd bet we could pull over to any one of these family gatherings and be welcomed like neighbors.

and when we got to ft. tryon i thought, "why did it take me two years to see this?"

the little spec at the bottom of that archway – the little thing on the bike – is rob. (click on the picture twice and you'll get a better look.)

alec baldwin's cannondale

and yes, his ass fits on that seat.

i was going to take a photo of alec trying to figure out how to wrap the chain around that light pole (it was a good, ten minute routine) but then i had a flash of those videos on entertainment tonight or inside edition or something when all you see is the celebrity fist coming at the camera. not so interested in that. especially since i think he's pretty damn funny on 30 rock.

barry's emmy, part IX: the trouble with sandy

sometimes, when i'm in a pickle and i don't know what to do, i have a little talk with a good friend or two. just discussing the problem out loud is often enough to lead me to a reasonable conclusion. like this situation with sandy the usher. let's be honest: did i actually lie to anyone?



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