first, he continually referred to what happened to us airways flight 1549 as "a bird attack" (not a "bird strike" which is what aviation experts call it.)
"so tell me how the birds hit the plane. there's two vectors, the birds are going in one direction, as a flock. together. and the plane's going in the other direction. the birds are not aware the plane is moving, or...you know. dogs jump outta the way, deer jump outta the way. birds can't do that, right?"
thursday over the hudson
Mid-afternoon, high over Manhattan,
a flock of Canadian Geese head south.
Two Geese are flying far back on the left side of the "V".
There is a general sense of unease.
GOOSE A
How's the wife?
GOOSE B
Fine.
GOOSE A
Flying on the right today, I see.
GOOSE B
She needed a little space is all.
GOOSE A
Sure, sure.
(Beat)
Colder than it's been.
GOOSE B
(Suddenly irritated)
She needed space, I said.
GOOSE A
The weather, featherhead.
(B shoots A a look.)
(Uncomfortable beat)
GOOSE B
I hate New York.
GOOSE A
That's a strong word, hate.
GOOSE B
Too many tourists. And you can never get good parking.
GOOSE A
I love a Grey's Papaya.
GOOSE B
Oh sure, who doesn't?
(Beat)
GOOSE A
See that thing up there?GOOSE B
That giant silver thing.GOOSE A
Yeah.
GOOSE B
Sure. I see it.
It's giant and silver how could you miss it?
(Beat)
GOOSE A
(Hesitant to ask)
You, ah...you think it's...moving?
GOOSE B
Moving?
GOOSE A
Yeah, moving. Like us. Moving.
GOOSE B
Do I think it's –
GOOSE A
Silly question, I suppose.
GOOSE B
– moving.
I don't think so, no. Moving? No.
GOOSE A
Good. I don't think so either.
(Tiny beat. Then to himself, under his breath)
Moving. Stupid.
(Beat)
GOOSE A
We are headed right for the damn thing, you know?
GOOSE B
Seems that way, doesn't it?
GOOSE A
If it's not moving...and we're...can we...?
GOOSE B
Can we what?
GOOSE A
Can we, uh...jump out of the way or something?
Before we hit it?
GOOSE B
Jump out of the way?
GOOSE A
Yeah.
GOOSE B
Jump out of the way?
GOOSE A
(Sheepishly)
I don't know.
GOOSE B
Do a lot of jumping, do you?
GOOSE A
I just meant –
GOOSE B
When is the last time you jumped?
GOOSE A
I just don't wanna hit it, or –
GOOSE B
You idiot. "Jump out of the way," he says.
What do you think I am, a dog?
______________________
My mother actually heard someone serious posit that the government of Canada, in league with terrorists, is training Canada Geese to fly into jet engines. I wonder how that poor soul is taking this latest news. I suppose if a flock of American Flamingos attack Ottawa, we'll know that begun, this Bird War has.
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