live-blogging "the view"

10:00 a.m.

this may only last for five minutes, but i'm going to attempt to live-blog barack obama on "the view".

barbara is on today. she wouldn't miss this.

the girls get right to it. they're talking about a hotel in bum-fark-someplace-or-other that is taking the bible out of hotel room drawers. they offer a "menu" of books of faith. you can call down to the front desk and get a koran with your bacon and eggs. "the gideon and the benedict please."

okay, let's talk about reverend wright. something's got elisabeth going...surprise. wright called italians garlic nosed. elisabeth is offended for italians. she's so compassionate.

barbara rightly says we're not talking about religion, like kennedy. we're talking about offensive, bigoted comments. "if i went to my church or a temple where my preacher was teaching children, and he said terrible things about italians or jews, i would feel i'd have to say..." aaand she didn't get to finish that thought. another surprise.

joy behar laughs off the garlic nose line. "if i didn't have garlic in my diet, i wouldn't have this complexion!"

10:13 a.m.

back from commercial. whoopi and the girls are reading...um...i was getting a banana and i missed it. greeting cards to prisoners? from prisoners? barbara says prisoners want quarters to buy sandwiches. huh?

some new book about women lying as a survival technique. they lie about shopping and cosmetic surgery and their husband's job. zzzzzzz...this coffee is good. alterra in milwaukee. alterra was recently chosen one of the ten best coffee houses in the country. and it's cheap. two days ago i got a pound of coffee, a bran muffin, and a fresh cup for less than $11. i think that would have cost about $50 at starbucks.

oh. another commercial.

10:23 a.m.

i think marie osmond looks fantastic. she had sort of ballooned up there, and now she's back to her fighting weight. bring it on, donny.

okay. here comes obama. i love hearing barbara walters say "bawack obama".

"you got some fancy folks in the audience there," he says. what the hell does that mean, barry? is that a gay slur?

only certain men can cross their legs so tightly and not look girly. barack obama is not one.

joy. "you're related to brad pitt?" distant cousins, says barack. barbara thinks barack is sexy. i'm imagining her wearing a pink slip, standing in the moonlight, moaning "ohhhhhh...bawack."

barbara asks obama the difference between his remarks on don imus (he should be fired) and reverend wright. obama says that wright has retired, so it's not the same. why doesn't someone ask about the 20 years obama was in his church when he wasn't retired?

he's definitly not backing away from wright here. "i'm not vetting my pastor," he says. the offensive comments are not just about race, they're about america. obama says wright grew up in the 50's and doesn't realize how america has changed. huh.

barbara asks the not retired question. barack says had wright not retired, he would have left the church. or thought about leaving. or something to that effect.

elisabeth says after obama's speech at the democratic convention she was one republican ready to "give him a shot." (hmm. is she talking jager? or basic instinct?) but now, the person he chose time and time again was this inflammatory pastor. don't you show a lack of judgement here? obama says this is a snippet of a man. how would you feel if we compiled a loop of the five stupidest things you've ever said and played them over and over again, he wants to know.

could we do that with sherri shephard? she's not sure if the earth is flat...

sigh. we're still talking about reverend wright. jeeze. hey! whoopi finally said something.

commercial.

10:38 a.m.

whoopi speaks. "here's a question i ask every presidential candidate who's on the program: what are the first three things you would do as president?"

1. "responsibly and honorably begin withdrawal from iraq." the careful getting out / careless going in line. (good god change that tired old line!)

2. "i wanna put forward legislation that would give every american health care." notice this wording: i wanna put forward legislation. you know, i wanna do a lot of things that i never get to do. go on a safari. have tea with elton john. stuff like that.

talking talking talking...

3. "i really think we've got to deal with our energy crisis." well, that's specific. the third thing you wanna do as president is that vague? ehhhhhh. what about the ecomony? ohh wait...there it is, in a tag line.

behar asks about kerry and swiftboating. "how tough are ya?"

"i'm skinny, but i'm tough. the way i like to handle attacks is to answer honestly, swiftly, forcefully and truthfully." truthfully is different than honestly how? take the high road he says. but kerry took the high road, didn't he?

michelle obama. will she sit in on cabinet meetings? no. she want's to be a good parent and find projects. like, arts and crafts projects? we did a great one with macaroni and a paper plate and finger paints...

commercial.

10:48 a.m.

sherri is asking about hillary. how do you feel about how dirty the race has gotten? obama says it's the supporters, not the candidates. "hillary was my friend before, she'll be my friend after. once we're all done, the democrats will come together. in the same way that after i beat john mccain, i will bring the country together." good line. got a nice laugh. i wonder if it's true.

we have so much more in common than what drives us apart, he says. this is why i could vote for him. i think he believes that, it's not just a line.

what do i have in common with elisabeth hasselbutt? we both have blond hair. dyed. we both look good in blue. i wonder how she feels about frozen custard? eh. i probably have custard in common with sherri.

now barbara has her hand on barack's leg, telling him "we have to close out the show." her hand lingers there. a bit too long. there's a little squeeze of the knee. she smiles. this is absolutely a pass. she did the same thing to kissinger, and from what i hear, he took her up on the offer.

show's over. except for the wrap-up. which. well...i'm surprised i lasted this long.