i have a splitting headache

i'm watching the 172nd democratic debate, i'm 40 minutes into it, and no one has talked about any substantive issues yet. not one. not even close.

charlie gibson and george stephanopoulos have asked about bitter and clinging to guns and bosnia and who's willing to be vice president and even jeremiah frigging wright but they haven't asked one question about health care, the war in iraq, the economy, human rights, helping the poor, gas prices, the middle east, or why my prescriptions are so stupid expensive.

the biggest problem isn't george or charlie. it's clinton and obama. if only one of them would turn to the moderators (can we even call them that? they're pathetic. rona barrett would do a better job)...if only hillary or barack would turn to them and say "look, would one of you two monkeys ask a question about something important?"

when asked about obama's bitter comment, dream ballet hillary said, "barack is a good person and we all know what he meant. he's already said he chose his words poorly so why don't we let it go and let's talk about the issues." after she said that, dream ballet tony ran down to his local polling place, banged on the door until they let him in, and voted for dream ballet hillary on the spot.

whoops! i drifted off there. it's kinda late and i'm...a little...sleepy...

wait...no. this isn't happening. i must still be asleep. there's video of a woman asking why obama is not wearing an american flag lapel pin. if the guy isn't wearing or stops wearing an american flag lapel pin it means he's not patriotic or he doesn't love this country?

4000+ american soldiers have been killed in iraq, the planet is heating up like a peep in a microwave, the homeless guy on my front steps is still homeless and on my front steps, and a woman in pennsylvania is focused on whether or not barack obama is wearing an american flag lapel pin. we've just spent ten minutes of a presidential debate discussing the wearing of an american flag pin.

anyone? hello?

somebody wake me up!

i'm moving to japan.
(and yes, lady in pennsylvania, i know -- you'll be glad to be rid of me.)

UPDATE 10:34 a.m. -- i got up this morning and edited this post to remove words like stupid, stupid...oh and also stupid.

check your briefs

the faux hawk is dead - completely dead

according to zhuzh it up! the faux hawk is officially dead. if your hair is currently styled in a faux hawk, go to the nearest bathroom and rinse and repeat. do not go out clubbing, do not go to see legally blonde: the musical for the 26th time, do not think for one moment that you're anything but mid-2006. your friends roll their eyes when you walk away and strangers do even worse. you're not david beckham.

pinkberry sucks

according to me, pinkberry frozen yogurt is sucky. i don't care how many toppings you put on it, i don't care if you cover it with captain crunch or cocoa puffs or chopped mango or chocolate chips, it looks like it should be sweet and it's not. it's pretending to be ice cream but it's sour and icky. if you're considering a visit to pinkberry tonight, you should instead go to milwaukee, st. louis, or madison square park and have frozen custard. or stay home and have oreos and milk.

john mccain - not "my friend"

if john mccain calls me his friend one more time i'm going to throw my pinkberry green tea with carob chips at the television and never, ever, ever, ever vote for him. ever. unless he styles his hair in a faux hawk and takes me to legally blonde.

on the record: the soundtrack of my life

i'm not a big fan of covers or remakes. a mix-tape of original versions is best for me.

there are exceptions to that rule. linda rondstadt's 70's covers (you're no good, it's so easy, when will i be loved, etc.) are just as good as the original versions. and elton john's lucy in the sky with diamonds isn't so much a cover as a tribute.

today, in wandering around the tuesday new releases on itunes, i came across something i'd never heard before. thrillington by percy thrills thrillington is a complete cover of paul mccartney's 1971 album ram done in elevator music style. (percy thrills thrillington is actually a pseudonym for mccartney, and the album was supposed to be released shortly after ram in '71, but was shelved until 1977.)

thrillington makes me feel as though i'm starring in some funky independent film, only i can actually hear the soundtrack. in the film, i'm a little younger and much quirkier than i am in real life. and i paint. or sculpt. and i probably ride horses. otherwise, it's pretty much me.

and it's a good flick!

bitter? i hardly knew 'er!

when i graduated from high school in 1981, someone gave me a dictionary. i forget who. it's a webster's new collegiate 150th anniversary edition. i still have it, and this afternoon i looked up two words i'm hearing a lot today: compassion and bitter.

here's what the ol' webster's says about compassion:

compassion: sympathetic consciousness of other's distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

what i find interesting is there's nothing in that definition about religion, or god, or jesus, or faith. as far as i know, an atheist or agnostic can be just as compassionate as a catholic or a jew. but the word compassion seems to have been co-opted by the religious community. george w. bush ran for president (and nearly won) as a compassionate conservative, a philosophy based in part on the christian doctrine of original sin. i'm not sure how compassionate you could say the president has been toward the folks we've tortured.

last night, CNN broadcast the compassion forum, hosted by messiah college in grantham, pa. the forum was a chance for the presidential candidates to "discuss how their faith and moral convictions bear on their positions on...important (campaign) issues." i didn't watch, but i wonder if any of them actually talked about compassion.

then there's bitter. here's what the good book (webster's, that is) says about bitter:

bitter: 1 a: having or being a peculiarly acrid, astringent, or disagreeable taste suggestive of an infusion of hops that is one of the four basic taste sensations -- compare salt, sour, sweet b: distasteful or distressing to the mind 2: marked by intensity or severity: a: accompanied by sever pain or suffering b: being relentlessly determined c: exhibiting intense animosity d: (1) harshly reproachful (2) marked by cynicism and rancor e: intensely unpleasant esp. in coldness or rawness 3: expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret.

whew.

all the hubub (bub) this week is about barack obama's recent statement that people in small towns are bitter about losing jobs and the economy going sour, and in their bitterness they cling to guns, religion, and antipathy towards immigrants and people who are different from them.

which makes sense to me. when you're struggling in some way, you turn to things that are meaningful to you. touchstones, constants: sunday school. the pump-action remington 870 on the closet shelf.  disdain for the happy guy clipping the hedges. hatred of the gay couple at last week's pta meeting.

but i wondered, "are people living in small towns really bitter?"

let's ask my dad! he's 77 and he lives in waterford, wisconsin: population 4,828. that's a small town, right? i called tonight, and told him i had a few questions. "shoot," he said, "hit me tone!"

T: okay dad, are you bitter?

D: (little pause) no.

T: do you cling to guns, or religion?

D: do i what? do i cling to what? i didn't understand that. cling to? no, i'd have to say no. i don't understand what cling to means, so...but go ahead son. what's next? lay it on me.

T: how do you feel about immigrants?

D: (beat) how long a statement do you want?

(pause)

i want immigrants to go through everything my grandparents went through. if they pass the test, great.

T: do you know anyone who's different from you?

D: yes.

should i elaborate? no...i don't have to elaborate on that.

T: can you define compassion?

D: caring. caring for someone.

T: thanks dad. thanks for answering those questions.

D: well, i hope i enhanced your survey.

T: i think your answers were simple and straightforward.

D: i meant them to be.

which is it?

"We haven't turned any corners. We haven't seen any lights at the end of the tunnel. The champagne bottle's been pushed to the back of the refrigerator."

-- general david petraeus, in testimony to congress last week.

"Fifteen months ago, Americans were worried about the prospect of failure in Iraq. Today, thanks to the surge, we've renewed and revived the prospect of success."

-- president george w. bush, two days later.

get on with it

i am so trying to pay attention to the presidential race again, after taking a bit of a break while working in milwaukee (there were more important things to worry about in milwaukee: frozen custard, fish fries, record breaking snowfall, running into your prom date from 27 years ago) but after several days of forcing myself to watch cnn, i've come the the conclusion that mccain, clinton and obama have all jumped the shark.

i just can't get "re-interested" in it all. why won't they all shut up, stop fighting and get on with it? the sooner we get to mccain/rice vs. clinton/obama (or obama/clinton -- i don't even care who's on top anymore! and if i had a nickel for every time...nevermind) the sooner we'll get somebody elected and the sooner we can get back to paying attention to the really important things. like "happy days" the musical. or guinea worms. or whether or not barrett foa has work.

i know this isn't anything new, but it's amazing to me that the pundits constantly talk about "bitter" or "bosnia" or bullshit like that (and bill, wtf!? shut up! i mean, really? how stupid do you think...nevermind.) instead they should be telling us about john mccain's health care plan (check it out on his website, it sounds fantastic!) or actually examining the differences between obama's and clinton's. and there are differences.

and please! britney just had a terrible fender bender!
did any of you even know that?! (btw -- she's okay.)

late breaking update

you know, checking back on older tuesdays posts is like visiting your grandma in the nursing home. you never know when she might have gotten a new colostomy bag, or if she finally took a shower, or if she's pissed off her roommate enough to keep that vinyl curtain pulled shut on a permanent basis!

the same is true on this blog (even the colostomy bag!) there are updates to posts all the time. okay picky, not all the time, but often.

did you miss the reviews for "a year with frog and toad"? they're linked in this update. did you want to order a chocolate-santa-on-a-motorcycle from the chocolate nazi? check back here. and what about milwaukee's record snowfall? was it actually a record?