oh. no. (f-fwd idol dealt a horrible blow)

my television life (and future blogging) just took an awful, terrible turn for the worse:

PASADENA, Calif., Aug. 4 – One day after the producers of "American Idol" and Fox network announced that Kara DioGuardi had signed on to return to the show next season, "Idol" judge Paula Abdul wrote on her "verified" Twitter account that she's stepping off the "Idol" gravy train.

"With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to 'Idol,' " read tweets posted Tuesday night on Abdul's account. "I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all I'll [miss] being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 become an international phenomenon."

as a result, the popular tuesdaysblog feature fast-forward idol (dvr-blogging american idol) may never be the same. here, in tribute, are some of the best paula abdul moments (things she said or did, her critiques of contestants, comment on her critiques, etc.) taken directly from last season's fast-forward idol:

paula – "two words! standing o." that's actually one word and a letter.

paula – i give you credit for not falling off the edge of the stage.

paula – make the puerto rican dance and sing!

paula – "this is a performance i'd definitely hit repeat in my heart."

paula – "you aborted the things we love most about you, like your magnificent riffing."

paula – just said something kinda nice: "no matter who goes home, you're never going home because you're all changed people and home is a whole different place for you now." sounded nice when she said it. reading it sounds like they're going to be incarcerated at a cia black site in romania.

paula – "that song does sit in a right place and there was a bum note that was loud." thank goodness paula is not addicted to pain killers.

paula – blah blah blah blah blah liked it.

paula – "i love songs. this song allowed you to do magic and infuse."

paula – uses this opportunity to make a joke about simon cowell, and to say the word "relevant." someone, somewhere, drank.

paula – "______________."

paula – "you got special sauce."

paula – "you dare to dance in the pouch of greatness. the palth of greatness. the pouth." then she says "fortune rewards the brave." she's reading too much harry potter.

paula – sometimes i just can't listen to her.

paula – paula said basically nothing.

paula – does her upper lip even move? she just called him a "balladeer," which a week ago she thought was an inner ear infection.

paula – "beauty develops in an era that might not be comfortable." no kidding, she said that. move that upper lip girl! move it!

paula – "i'm glad to see you brought your axe." oh paula. "your intonation and delivery is masterful and effortless." paula abdul wouldn't know intonation if it was injected into her upper lip.

paula – i can't hear a thing paula says because i can't get past the christmas bow that ate burbank.

paula – the dress, the dress.

paula – someone call bill o'reilly: this is a war on christmas.

paula – my mouth drops every time there's a pill nearby.

paula – is paula abdul from new jersey? that make-up. "it's like angels singing?" is she...maybe she's drunk! oh please let her be drunk.

paula – please, somebody, please put some brandy in that coke she's drinking.

paula – she refers to simon as "someone over the pond."

paula – i don't know what paula said.

the skylight saga a-z

every skylight opera theatre post from tuesdays.

strini gets tough with the skylight

tom strini, feeling a little more emboldened in his new home at third coast digest, calls the skylight management's bluff:

If management has nothing more than those two lines from a Facebook post to substantiate its claims of threatened violence, it should produce it. If not, it should stop crying wolf.

More recently, management has claimed that some artists are being threatened in that “you’ll never work again in this town” way, should they break ranks and return to their roles in the coming Skylight season. Again, I’ve heard not a peep of this from anyone involved. Again, put up or shut up.

in rebuttal to the "ostracized" suggestion, from tuesdays commenter branch:

I know you all. And if there is one constant in this, it has been your concern, care, and support for your comrades who CONTINUE to work at Skylight, or WILL continue to work at Skylight. The idea that you would "ostracize" your friends over this matter is utterly absurd.

in the same sense of put up or shut up – to any local milwaukee performer who truly felt ostracized by other milwaukee performers during this debacle, don't comment anonymously on this post (as anyone could) – email me.

figaro vs. fargo: the times article

8:53 p.m. – i'm at a the joyce theater in nyc seeing pilobolus. but see if this link works...and discuss.

2:07 a.m. – someday soon we'll talk about how amazing the pilobolus performance was (especially darci wutz's former student and skylight opera alum andrew herro. stunning.)

tonight, i'd first like to publicly say to all the good folks who don't actually live in wisconsin that the film "fargo" is set in minnesota. not milwaukee. (but you know, a jersey dialect sounds a lot like new york, too...)

that said, the comment section of this post – a post that was initially only one line, put up quickly from a cell phone to give readers a chance to vent – has covered some interesting ground.

but there's been no mention of this gem, from daniel wakin's new york time's article on the skylight opera theatre saga (my emphasis):

Mr. Dillner said he respected Mr. Theisen’s directing abilities tremendously and suggested that the local performers were upset because without Mr. Theisen, they wrongly feared losing opportunities at the Skylight. At the same time, he said, at least one person pulled out of an audition because disgruntled performers threatened to ostracize him. Mr. Dillner said the performer declined to be named.

local actors were worried that without bill theisen they might never work at the skylight again?

please. discuss.

we know what to do after the bleeping beep

the new york times' david pogue started something last week, and you probably want to be a part of it.

On Thursday, on this blog, in my e-mail column and on Twitter, I launched “Take Back the Beep,” a national campaign to restore your time and money from the country’s cellular carriers. I’m referring, of course, to the obnoxious, drawn-out, 15-second instructions that Verizon, Sprint, AT&T and T-Mobile tack on to your own voice mail greeting. You know: “To page this person, press 5. When you have finished recording, you may hang up. To leave a callback number, press 1,” etc.

the response, pogue says, has been overwhelming. pogue currently lists these links for you to complain to your carrier:

• verizon: post a complaint here: http://bit.ly/FJncH
• at&t: send e-mail to: customerissues@attnews.us
• sprint: post a complaint here: http://bit.ly/9CmrZ
• t-mobile: post a complaint here: http://bit.ly/2rKy0u

a patch suggested by pogue's readers: in your outgoing message, tell callers your carrier's secret code to cut to the beep: (it’s * for verizon, 1 for sprint and # for t-mobile or at&t.)

behind the scenes

sometimes it's best not to see the process.

caption me now

add your caption to the comments section.